Crossing the Border Suck Part II: Fake a$$ Money

After the whole bribing the cop affair at the Colombian/Ecuador border, I wasn’t looking forward to the Equator/Peru border. Due to shady dealing and unscrupulous people, Lonely Planet calls this border the worst one in South America. They weren’t kidding.

We took the bus to the border. It was a 4 hour ride from Guayaquil to the border. The bus was packed and there was nothing around us except Plantain plants and little podunk towns. I was thinking about how much it must suck to live in these rinky-dings towns when all of a sudden the bus driver told us to get off and transfer to another bus. Wah? So we dragged out our luggage out and wait with other people in one of these small towns. Soon another bus comes and we get in.

Just our luck. This bus is packed and me and LatinStylez had to separate. I see a little lady walking up the aisle collecting money from the passengers and start to worry. How was I going to communicate that we were kicked off our first bus and had to get on this one? Did we have to pay money? Ahh, the joins of traveling in South America – being scared, tired, and worried.

The lady comes up and I just hand her my bus ticket from the last bus. She looks at me funny and says something in Spanish. Great. I shout to LS and ask for him to translate. And of course everyone on the bus looks at me. LS is in his own little world but another displaced traveler came to my rescue and managed to tell the ticket lady my situation.

Looks like everything is fine and dandy but we still have the border to cross. Every single time we stop, my heart pounds. Is this immigration? Are the police gonna give us a hard time? What happens if we miss it? Luckily, a local told us to get off when we get to Immigration.

Immigration is basically a small building in the middle of nowhere. Surrounding this building are little shops and cab drivers. The paper work was simple and soon we got new stamps in our passports. Immediately, 3 guys came up to LatinStylez and me and insisted taking our luggage. They didn’t insist so much as grab our luggage and say come on. They helped us fill out some paperwork and told us to get into the cab.

Then all 3 of them piled into the cab (Warning #1) and we were off. I had a funny feeling about this whole situation. Why did it take 3 guys to take us to the border? For a second I thought we were going to get kidnapped and I was looking for anyway to be able to escape this situation. Needless to say, it was a nervous 15 minute right to the border town.

Right when we got off the cab, there was a man standing with a roll of money in his hand; my how convenient (Warning #2). We were told that we could exchange money here. I figured they would screw us on the exchange rate so I only handed him $40. Then one of the guys told LatinStylez that Peru had laws about needing to enter the country with at least $150USD because many people go into Peru to find work. So with our luggage in their hands, two of the Ecuadorians led us to an ATM to withdraw cash.

I was reluctant to exchange that much cash. Then we were told that $50USD would be fine (Warning #3). We both got out the money and then passed by the exchange guy again. Is he following us around?(Warning #4) and exchanged the cash.

With our luggage still in hand, the two guys led us near the border where another man greeted us and took our bags. The original two Ecuadorians wanted a tip so I took out some Pesos and gave it to the guy who carried my bag. He looked at me and said it was too little. I reached into my pocket and just gave him the rest of my change.

Later I learned that this is a common technique used when scamming people off. The scammer wants the victim to feel like a douchebag. After all, they’ve been so nice to you. They filled out your forms and took your luggage. What are you? A cheap, fucking asshole? Are all [people from your country like this? God, your momma didn’t teach you no manners.

If there’s anything I learned in my time, it’s that people who want money from you will try to make you feel guilty. That’s when you have to learn to stand up for yourself and tell people to fuck off.

Anyways, the new guy takes LatinStylez bag and leads us to a car where a driver is waiting and like sheep, we follow him. He puts our bags in the car and gets in. Hmm…why do we need so many guys to ride with us? This new guy talks to LatinStylez in Spanish and bullshits around. He asks LS how he liked Ecuador and about the women. I just stare outside and have a million scenarios going through my mind.

We get to Peru immigration and the Ecuadorians get out. Latinstylez and I are hesitant to leave the car because all our luggage is in there. The driver noticed our hesitation and gave LS the keys as a show of good faith (LOL). Immigration is a breeze and before we know it we’re in Peru.

Soon the new guy starts talking to LS about money. He says we owe him $45USD. There’s a tiny problem: neither of us have any American money on us. The new guy starts ranting and raving about us needing American cash. LatinStylez starts shouting at the guy to chill out. Stylez says we have the Peru money we just exchanged and we could pay him in that. The guy says that he’ll only accept American dollars (Warning #32890290138891230) Then I realized that I did have some 20s in my hidden pants pocket. I take out $40USD and hand them to the guy. He looks at them and said that this money was no good. What the hell? Turns out that the dollars need to be notarized by a bank since there’s so much counterfeiting around.

The guys drive us to an ATM and I get out and draw out some USD and Soles. I pay the guy and FINALLY we get to the bus station and get our tickets. We were exhausted and just ready to get this whole ordeal behind us. 6 hours later we arrive in Huaquillas at 4AM. Once off the bus we were surrounded by taxi drivers. Suspicious of everyone, we got a cab and asked the taxi driver where a hotel was. This taxi driver was more honest than the previous guys we met and charged us a fair price.

We got to the hotel and just crashed. The next morning we go to pay for our hotel bill. I took out 100 Soles to pay. The owners puts the money under a blue light and tells us that it’s no good. In fact all the money we exchanged at the border is bad. Comically bad. These soles were on the wrong kind of paper and when you held them to the light you couldn’t see the face that appears. We got ripped off.

Tips for crossing the Equator/Peru border:
1) These con artist talk fast and don’t give you even a second to protest. Grab your bags and take a few minutes to get yourself together. You’re tired and scared and it’s common for mistakes and misjudgments to happen. Discuss the price BEFORE you get into the cab. Have a Lonely Planet with you and POINT the price out to them if they argue with you.
2) Scratch that. DON’T TAKE A TAXI! Lonely Planet recommends that you keep your bus ticket and wait for another bus to cross the border.
3) We willing to say NO! These guys are trying to hussle you. They’re counting on you to not know what’s going on so they can take advantage of you. If they take you to a cash machine then be very very suspicious.
4) Get money at the ATM. Most of the ATMS have an option to get American dollars and Peruvian soles.